the inventions from the boldest region of imagination or the apparitions which form from pure unadulterated desire or maybe just the richest slice from a cake of truth glazed with a false frosting, sometimes it takes more than a sacred spring to cleanse taint, but everything's just a figment of imagination anyway, and confusion can tango with that apparitioned desire for all I care, and I will bake my cake and eat it too, forget the stomach ache, cuz I'm a missionary and we don't sleep and we won't stop. You got me all wrong, but I can still wish, hopepraylong until it just SICKENS me so I can barely even stand to look at my reflection because I dissapoint my own dignity and self respect and I fall even harder than if I was refused. It's a self-apointed despairity, absorption of toxins, 'wallow in self pity' whatever, because I thought persistence leads to happily ever afters but then I see that god damn road again and know what I always knew and will still know even when I am in my most extreme phase of denial. But hey, it's time to move on anyway. Let's cheer up, buttercup. I am pretty much in love with the world that surrounds me and only me, it hugs me and warms my bitter soul, waaaiiiiting for some kind of revelation, I guess, but I never was too prone to epiphanies, and when I was they were usually about 3 days too late, just in time to give me the moral of the story. Hmmm, I wonder if this is day three......? 

This is the scene where Romeo dies

and then the whole world shatters

 

My life is in as much disaray as my desk. My head is spinning, I'm pretty much on the road to who knows where and I couldn't even fathom to look back if my life depended on it. I would like to think I'm on the right path, but every mile I trudge through, with every battered tear that falls, it gets bumpier and more dangerous. It's something apocolyptic, like it's painful by nature without warning. I'm waiting for the dead end or maybe a jagged cliff, at least then my options are limited and pretty much laid out for me but right now...there is still so much road, and it never gets easier. The writing is never on the wall, and even if it was it would be too obscure or I would be too drained of everything to make sense out of it. I hope my judgement can be trusted, because I think I'm going to take a turn at the next chance I have. Planned spontaneity, or some kind of oxymoron like that. I've been following this same fucking road for too long now with absolutely no signs of reaching anything, no resolution, not even a goddamn destination. i need this to change, I need freshness, something new and awesome. If I fall into a chasm, whatever, I'll deal with it somehow, I'm responsible enough to deal with repurcussions of my actions. I just hope it's nothing drastic...if I take the turn at all. I like to come across as a confident leader who's willing to embark into the unknown and deal with what needs to be dealt with, and maybe I will surprise myself and accomplish something for once in my life, but for now all I really know is that I am just a scared little boy with no clue how to deal with what's going on around me. But for now, I'll continue to travel down the familiar unknown. I'll crash and burn, dust myself off, and press on. Because that's what I do. I like to set myself up for the pain. At least I know I'm alive. If it's even worth the letters they spell.

4 new albums. Check them.

it's radical, but it's heartbreaking