so where was I?

I was walking down the hallway

....strutting down the hallway....

probably in a comfortable fitting brightly hued tee, by this time

I was strutting with 3 girls just one step in front of me

I was to their right

I am not sure if I was in conversation

I am not sure if I was in style

I am not sure if I was insane

 

and where were you?

you were behind me

a mile behind me

you were choking on the dust I was leaving in front of you

You tripped on the debris left from my heartless rampage

you were the agony of a headache and I wanted nothing to do with

I want nothing to do with you

I wanted nothing

I wanted to

I wanted you

 

I knew you were there

I didn't see you/but I knew you were there

You were always there

You were faithful til the end

And I was the prick who thought he could have everything

I was the one who decided to file you away for safe keeping

to have you readily available for that 'just in case' scenerio when I would require your abilities to help me in my ongoing journey of personal glorification.

and you came

I called and you were there

you were always there

but i never saw you

I saw you but not you

 

take this as an apology

take this as an IOU for too many years of neglegence

take this and shove it right back up my ass if you want because I am an asshole and it's the least I deserve

I think it's only sometimes when you can find honesty, dignity, loyalty, respect, and compassion in a person all at the same time. I think that when you do, it's a gift. It's one of those 'handle with care' packages, the kind that are fragile like fine china, but secured in a bubble wrap binding. It can be protected from knicks and scratches, even a few drops here and there....but if you're too careless with it, if you just kind of toss it around the corner, then it's not so a much a friendship you're left with as it is its remains. The disembodiement of what was once so beautiful and lustrous, that shone and sang of melodic kinship has been shattered and lost. It leaves shards of memories, all of which are pretty to look at, emitting a sort of humbling nostalgia, but leave you with a poisonous sting like a toxic injection, and are equally as fatal on an esteem level. They are kind of like twisted fairytales, they end abruptly and without that glowing, warming happily-ever-after sensitivity that they tend to capture, and instead leave you cold and unsettled, longing for more but well aware that it truly is 'the end'. It's a jigsaw of demolition and industry, cuz no matter how much you try, re-building is a two person job and a one-sided hopeful will collapse with every attempt. 

 

I can blame anything I want to.

I can blame my parents

I can blame Sobeys

I can blame rugby

I can blame the color orange

I can blame my insurance company

I can blame Susan Willis

I can blame whoever invented soya sauce

I can blame George Bush

I can blame high definition television

I can blame the person walking his dog down Oak drive

I can blame anything adhesive, because nothing was effing strong enough to keep me attached to you and now I am dealing with the aftermath. Alone. And I couldn't feel more shitty.

 

I know you wouldn't feel the same way I do, because according to you I am sure we're still together...or maybe now i just finally see what you have known all along...but regardless of which reality we are confronted with, it's my turn to make a concious effort. to like, try, or something. I swear to all that is fucking coca-cola